"Sherry is SO lucky, her husband is so sweet and such a godly man. I wish my husband...." Really? Are you sure? Super Husband wasn't always so super.
When I heard this a while back, it dawned on me that people who know us now, didn't know us before 2005 in our testimony gathering time. The confidantes in my life, those with whom I cried out to God to change me and Scott, and those who witnessed the wreckage of our lives and mourned the death of our marriage with me, know that luck had nothing to do with who Scott and I are today.
After years of fighting and making up, of me trying to control Scott and our marriage, of Scott running as fast and hard away from me as he could, I was confronted with myself. I met with a Catholic counselor shortly after learning of Scott's affair. I poured my heart out, sharing everything that had happened leading up to the mess we were in. Her response stopped me in my tracks. I didn't like it, but it was truth. She said "You're not being his wife, you're being his mother. No wonder he's having an affair."
Ouch! That comment sent me on a mission to learn to be the wife God created me to be. I sought good godly wisdom from women I knew were steeped in the Word and truly God led. I held every word of advice up against the word of God, choosing to NOT receive advice given freely by those who did not walk closely with Christ. I determined to partner with God to honor the covenant we'd made in 1991, and walk it out no matter what. I set my mind to do what ever it takes. I prayed the hard prayer...God, do whatever it takes to shape me into the wife You created me to be and to bring Scott to You.
What happened next? The more closely I walked with Christ, the angrier Scott became. The enemy in him came against the Christ in me, raging, almost daring me to step out from behind my shield of faith. Through Scott's harsh words, hurtful lies, and spiteful antagonism, I had to constantly remind myself that what I saw with my eyes was not an indication of what God was doing in our lives...and love him as God called me to love him. My heart was breaking as I literally watched the enemy steal, kill and try to destroy my husband.
Often I cried out to God, how long? I didn't know how long I'd have to wait on God to see the fruit of the changes He was making in me or their influence in Scott's life. God didn't lay out the steps He knew it would take to bring Scott to Him and to me, or what it would take to prepare me to receive Scott. If God had showed me that divorce was part of our story when I first learned of Scott's affair, I would have done that immediately, missing the 15 months of refining that God knew it would take to bring us together, both completely transformed, refined, stronger than ever.
I wouldn't trade what we've been through for anything, God has used it to make us who we are today. So I'd encourage you, when you see a great marriage, a truly God centered and honoring marriage, ask the couple how they got there. Don't settle for seeing the destination, ask them about the journey that brought them there.
Then ask yourself the hard questions:
- Am I willing to do the hard work to have a marriage like that?
- Am I willing to wait for the fruit?
- Lord, how do I do it?
Spend time praying, reading and meditating on the Word, letting it transform your mind. Seek encouragement, reading through the posts here at Intentionally Yours. Seek godly counsel.
What's the secret of the Super Husband? A godly wife. God tells us in Proverbs 31 that because of her character, her husband is well known and respected. Be the wife God created you to be!
Where did Scott learn to be super husband? He got a crash course at FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember. SPECIAL HALF PRICE REGISTRATION IF YOU REGISTER BEFORE APRIL 1 WITH GROUP NAME JOSHUA2415!! FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember is a great place to get TRUTH! It will strengthen your marriage, and change your life, marriage and legacy. Find a getaway near you, register with our group code JOSHUA2415 for a discount!
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